After my post the other day, I sat atmy computer in disbelief as I read your responses.
I love hearing your thoughts andstories. If you emailed me or left a comment, please know that if Iresponded to them today, my sheets wouldn't have gotten washed,the laundry wouldn't be folded, and that pile of sand wouldn't havegotten swept. And you know now that I had to get all those thingsdone today only cause people are coming to my house tomorrow!! :)
So even though I can't respond to eachone, I read every single word. And I thought about them. And Iappreciate them...more than you know. I feel honored that you wouldentrust me with your stories...stories of struggle, heartache,loneliness. It is a privilege to get a peek into your lives.
But you know what overwhelmed me themost after reading all your responses? How are heartbeats are verymuch the same. How very much alike we all are. It shouldn'tsurprise me...but don't we live as if we are the only ones whostruggle? but your vulnerability made me want to be even more real!I have to write this post today as afollow-up to my last one, because your responses taught me a fewthings.
it first off showed me how much we needeach other. we are bombarded in this world, and sadly even in the“church”...that we need to put on a pretty face and make sureeveryone sees just how put together we really are.
I am ashamed to admit that i've spentway too much time and energy trying to create an identity for myself,one where people are convinced that i've got my stuff together. Itseems as if we might all be in the same boat. In the past, i've beenterrified to show people the real me...
What a shame. You know why its ashame? Cause when I'm covering up, I'm convincing other people thatthey need to cover up too. And there is nothing about that that ismaking Jesus famous. Its really just an attempt to make me famous. And that is in direct disregard of the Gospel. Quite possibly the thing I'm learningafter your responses is that we just might all be exhausted of doingthat.
We are seriously doing a disservice toeach other when we are living to make everyone think we've got it allunder control. I am sorry, so sorry, if i've done that, given thatmessage. It couldn't be farther from the truth.
But isn't there something in each of usthat wants that...to make everyone think we've got it all together? The problem with that...is that its a big fat lie. I don't care whoyou are...the President of the U-S of A, Emily from the Bachelorette(I'm a big fan of her's, btw), Beth Moore, the Pioneer Woman...not asingle one has it all together. Not one.
Blogs, Facebook, Instagram...they all do that. They make us think weare the only ones with dirty houses, dirty children, and dirtyhearts. there is one blog in particular that I cannot read. Itruins my heart, and makes me strive for things that I cannot possiblyever do. i know for sure that its not the author's intention, and that it has WAY more to do with the state of my own heart. But she is justso pulled together, so in love with Jesus, everyday, all the time. And I'm not. And it makes me feel like Crud. With a capital C.there is not an ounce in me that wantsyou to come here and feel that way. Not an ounce. Which is why mylast post was SO necessary for me to write. I had to get it off mychest! Cause I do want to show you fun things...recipes, sewingprojects, house stuff, photos of my kids, but I want you to see allthose things all the while knowing that the one showing them to youis jacked up...big time!
You know how I mentioned that there isa story going on right now, that is not mine to tell, but that hasdevastated me? Even though I can't tell you the details, I can tellyou what its done to my heart. Its convinced me that living insecret isolation is not only not what we were created for, itsabsolutely the kiss of death. I am afraid that when we live as ifwe've got it all together, we are isolating ourselves and pushingaway those who need to see that we are, in fact, big time screw ups. Its shown me that this world needs us to be real with each other. Weneed to know that we all struggle. We need to know that we all aredesperate, no more and no less than anyone else. we need eachother's vulnerability. When we show the world the real us, maybe itcould prevent a lot of loneliness, a lot of heartache, a lot ofstriving and maybe it could be the vehicle that God uses to redeemour stories. 
What if we lived in a world, or achurch, where everyone just let their guard down? Then maybe wewouldn't feel so lonely. 
as I read back over my last post, irealized that I left out a very important thing. Its one thing to bevulnerable, but its another thing to tell you why I feel the freedomwith you to expose the real me.I felt free to write that post theother day for one reason, and one reason only, because:“God made him, who had no sin, to besin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness ofChrist.” My favorite verse...ever. 2 Corinthians 5:21.
Cause it says this to me:I, God, sent Jesus, who was perfect,the only perfect human to have ever lived, to take on all of yoursins, my daughter, so that when you believe, all of your sin iscovered and is now counted instead as righteousness. Jesus'righteousness.
In other words, Jesus switched placeswith me, took on my sin, my personal sin, took the punishment that Ideserve, once and for all. But there's more. And that more is whathas allowed my soul to feel more freedom than anything else in thewhole world.
The more is that in place of my sin, Jesus gave me Hisperfection. So when God looks at me, as His Daughter, He sees mecovered in Jesus' perfection. Therefore, He will never ever everdeal with me as my sins deserve, but only as if I had lived, myself,the perfect life of Jesus.
(this pic makes me laugh! the hubs used it as apart of a seminary project he did a few years back.)think of this...if Jesus came as aRescuer, then why in the world would someone who has it all togetherneed rescuing? When I see myself for who I really am, I becomedesperate for His covering. Like...every moment of every day. Iscrew it up all the live long day. I really do.
The reality is: the laundry piles, andsand piles, the fighting kids, etc...are only an outside picture ofwhat's in my heart. That might be too much for you to handle...if Igot real about how my heart operates. The thoughts that run throughmy mind. My doubts. My massive insecurities. Maybe that will bepost someday...then i'd for sure send y'all running for the hills :) I am a desperate person. but when I rest in the covering of Jesus'perfection, it makes me want to live exposed before y'all.
I heard someone say once that spiritualmaturity is not measured by how holy you are, but instead by how muchyou recognize your unholiness. We get it backwards. We tend tothink we've mastered it when we can show the world how holy andpulled together we are. How much we've got it together. Let me tellyou...i spent way too many years trying that one. It doesn't work. Its like running on an exhausting hamster wheel, that never ever everends. I'm done with it, cause truth is....I'm cannot make myselfholy. And most often, my life doesn't display holiness. It displaysa person, who outside of Jesus, is rotting away. So you wanna know why and how we canlive authentically, exposed, vulnerable? Its because, in Jesus, weare already covered. We are already seen as perfect. Forever.
So when I'm trying to cover up my junk,I'm spitting in the face of the One who did it already for me....notto mention what that does to other people. That's the disservice I'm talkingabout, that we are doing to each other. Isn't it true that when weare running, striving, covering, it often makes other people feel theneed to do the same? Why don't we just let each other be free, maybeby first being free ourselves? What would happen if we did?
What if we were honest about it? Whatif we were honest about how short we fall? What if we saw ourselves as ones who are desperate for a covering other than the one we try to create on our own? What if we lived as people who are desperate for freedom...freedom to live exposed...freedom to let down ourguards...freedom to let other people see the real us?
Exposure feels like death sometimes. But what if we took the risk? There is a song by David Crowder that says, “Let'srisk the ccean...there's only grace.” in other words, its a bigrisk, but what have we got to lose??
Could it possibly be that other peoplemight be attracted to our weaknesses and exposure and vulnerability more than they are to the thingsthat we display as perfection and all under control?
What if??? i'm SO desperate for it...are you?
ps: i'll totally be switching gears and coming back with a recipe that I recently made with my new dehydrator. :)
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